Purpose and Desire

“The person that risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.” Leo F. Buscaglia

In my most selfish of moments I assume my daily life should be inundated with what I love. I reject the opinion that since I am an adult I have to wake up and spend a minimum of eight hours working at a job that does not fulfill my ultimate purpose. I feel that if the universe were fair and just everyone would be able to wake up and devote their day to work that is personally meaningful. On my best days, I return my bottom lip to its natural position, unclench my fists, restore the posture of an adult, and realize that with adulthood comes responsibility. However, I often wonder if we ever considered what that level of responsibility has to look like. I understand that financial obligations require adults to be gainfully employed however; I do not feel that my desire to turn my passion into profit is a mark of immaturity. In fact, it just may be the most responsible decision I have ever made.

When we are children we are encouraged to follow a very specific path; high school, college, well-paying job, marriage, and children. We set out on this path with a certain blind faith that it will result in success and happiness. The complete gut punch is that this is not everyone’s path. Purpose has a hand in the cards we’re dealt and often what is unconventional in the eyes of many is exactly what it had in mind for our success. This is the great cosmic tug o’ war we’ve played for centuries. We think of purpose as a game of hide and seek; the universe giving us a glimpse of our ideal life and snatching it back while we “search”. The search is as simple as a trip down memory lane. What sparked your imagination as a child?

This is my life. In elementary school I began singing in concert chorales and reading three novels a week. I gave my lunch money to friends that didn’t have anything to eat and staged a protest against my substitute teachers. At 13, I began writing poetry and articles for the school yearbook. I even went to college to study music education and by a twists and turns explained best over a glass of wine under dim light, I became an educator. This is not a decision I regret, there are days when my job is extremely fulfilling. I love my students with an unconditional quality many of my colleagues think is above and beyond my professional requirements. However, that love is simply a desire to see them grow into the person they were purposed to be. That very statement reveals my issue; my work for them is inhibiting me from accomplishing that very goal for myself. Now as I stare down the barrel of my last year in the classroom, I am filled with the same anxiety that I felt my first day of college. That feeling of embarking on something new…the fear is spectacular but the passion is all consuming. In 31 weeks, it’s me, not a safety net in sight.

I am not the only person is this type of predicament. How many people do you know have a deep desire to be something else, something different, something more and squelch that desire because an obligation to someone or something that requires their loyalty. I respect that decision. Trust me, I am very familiar with the act of sacrifice. However, I see that decision and raise you two words: educated risk. Maybe, the quality of the life we are meant to live will far exceed the life we’ve grown accustomed to sleepwalking through. Maybe our dreams are completely attainable with the proper research and preparation. I am not talking about a blind descent into the unknown; I am advocating a leap with a parachute to give us a soft landing on the lives of which we dream. Recall, discover, believe, and then…jump.

Make today count ,

CassandraDione
**Tharocksfinest**
“Representing Little Rock since 1982″